wow

I never seem to write anymore. Not that I don't have a million things to say, it's just that I don't know how to get them down in a post. Everyday seems to be the same for me now. I wake up and think about money, I go to work and think about money, I come home and think about money. Not just about money either. How can I live without money? How can I become more self-sufficient? How can I budget my life and what we actually need vs. what we "think" we need? It is a never ending struggle I swear. And of course I am a serious pessimist. Meaning, I think that we are in a food shortage, I think I won't be able to afford to get oil anymore (that's a problem living in the Northeast by the way), I can't feed my family good wholesome food that is produced at least in the country (organic peppers from Israel, what?) It is all very stressful.

Now, am I just oversensitive because I am in my 3rd trimester and ready to give birth at really any moment? Maybe. Or is it because I have spent the past year seriously reading all of the ridiculous information that is out now on Peak Oil, sustainability, food shortages, water shortages? It's probably a good combination of both. It is that never ending stream of information though. The fact that I feel 100 times more educated on food production now than I did last year at this time. It's crazy. And I know that there is even more information out there that I haven't read yet. What happens when I read that? Am I going to build a bomb shelter and become a hermit? Well, I am one for extremes...

So what now? Everything I read on the economy is depressing. Every single elective class for my business major I took in college was in economics, so I feel pretty confident when reading the Fed's reports or listening to speeches on the economy. Not that I am an expert by any means. I am very conservative as far as my political views go, yet, as soon as I start thinking about food and how my little family can support itself and not be so reliant on "the man," it just doesn't jive well. I know that God will provide for us everything that we need. I know that I will never be given a challenge or face some situation that I cannot handle. My loving Savior is not out to get me. But, can I get out of my own way before something else does?

We have been going through a lot of changes in the past year. Becoming more aware of what we put into our bodies, where the food is coming from. How to conserve more energy, keeping the heat down low and barely turning lights on ever. Yet, I feel like it isn't enough. Oil prices keep going up. This is probably the biggest issue. In Maine, a big part of your utilities is the heating oil. There are few ways around it unless you are blessed with a house that has a wood stove. Unfortunately ours was not. In fact the chimney isn't even functional. So, in order to become less dependent on oil, we need to shell out quite a bit of money to get a wood stove and either build a new chimney, get some type of venting system, or redo the old chimney...yeah...have you seen how much a mason costs? But, once we have the wood stove, then maybe we can have the house warmer than 55 degrees during the winter. Although keeping the heat down this winter hasn't been nearly as bad as I expected. Yes, there have been some days where we have had to turn up the heat (mainly when relatives come to visit), but our bodies have acclimated to the cold. The problem for next year? Having a baby does not give us the same luxury of just sucking it up. See! I'm already stressed.

I feel like I do a lot of talking about what we can do to change, but we never actually get to that point. Is that normal? How can I get out of this funk and actually take a step in the right direction? I think that part of it is my "planning" nature. I mean, I really need to plan the crap out of something before I do it. Not always a bad thing of course, but maybe in this situation I need to talk less and do more. At the same time I am feeling a lot better about how we are living now. We are all signed up for our CSA, something I am extremely excited about. I buy organic free range meat from a farm close to my work. We are keeping the heat down and keeping the lights off. I'm even making my own bread each week! Maybe it is about baby steps. One thing at a time. Once you get comfortable, move on to the next thing. But, I don't want to take too long to get to all these steps!

I have a lot more to say on all things money/food related, but I think I will wrap up this jumbled post right now. Someday I will be able to have coherent thoughts on these subjects, but for now, just random ramblings. I kind of like it like that :-)