Well, it seems my work from home option isn't really as beneficial to the company as it is to me. My boss did put together a very generous offer of me going down to fewer hours, but still coming into the office to work for 1 day a week for 6 weeks, and then moving to 2 days a week and so on. The offer is generous, I appreciate that they are trying to work with me, but the first thing I did when I saw the offer was cry. I am disappointed that I can't at least attempt to work from home full-time for a period and see if it works out for them.
Now what do I do? Well, Emma doesn't take a bottle, so going into the office is out of the question unless I can bring her with me. And then there is the fact that I will most likely be expected to accomplish the same amount of work in fewer hours. I don't want to go back, but trusting God to provide for us is also a big obstacle. I know that He provides everything we need, but man, taking that leap is a huge test of faith.
I know that if we have a renter everything will be fine. I know that I could always get another job in the evenings, or possibly do some bookkeeping for people. I also know that I want to be a full time mom. I want to be a homemaker, I enjoy that. I know that I probably could force Emma to take a bottle if I refused to breast feed her, but really, why would I want to torture my child just so that I can go back to work?
All of this is such a struggle. I want to do what is right for my family. I want to do what God wants me to do. But, how do I know what path is the right path? I am leaning towards not going back to work at all, obviously, but is that just because I don't want to go back to work? Or is it because that is what God wants for me?
The other difficulty is the fact that I love the people I work with/for, and my job is amazing. I loved going into work everyday, eating lunch with everyone and spewing off loads of simple living info I have gathered. I enjoyed all of it. But, maybe it is time to move on, and just hope that everything falls into place financially?? Ahhh...being 27...too many decisions! But in the meantime, if anyone out in blogland wants to move to Maine and into a brand new studio apartment, let me know :-)
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I can feel your frustration. From an outside point of view, I think they made a good offer. But with every offer, you can always counter offer. Have you asked if you could take her into work with you? Do you have your own office or a place where you can breast feed easily? If you decide to keep the job is there a way that someone could bring Emma in on the office day every couple of hours to feed? I definitely agree that breast is best and this is a very difficult decision for you.
However only you know what is really in your heart. As you mentioned you could always try to do some contract book keeping.
I'll make sure to keep you in my prayers. Just listen and see what He tells you to do. I'm sure it will all work out.
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