Here it is, August 21st, and summer is over. Well, it is if you live in Maine. The past few days have looked like fall and smelled like fall. I can't believe how fast the summer went though. Of course there will be days that are warm unntil September around here, and maybe even October, but they will be few and far between. We are moving into another season.
I actually love the change of seasons. It is one of the reasons I love New England so much (the cold winters are not one of the reasons :-)) But, the change to fall also reminds me that winter is just around the corner, and that we are not prepared at all for a cold winter with high heating costs.
I am seriously concerned about heating oil this winter. So concerned that Matt and I have invested in a wood stove. A lot of people say a wood stove isn't a great idea, but I think that it is. We are lucky enough to live in an area with friends who have large amounts of land in which to cut wood. I don't think that everyone should have a wood stove of course, I don't want to completely deplete the woods that we have in the state, but for us, right now, it is a good choice. We have the wood stove, now we have to figure out where to put it, and how to get a chimney in this house.
Our house is old, and the chimney is no good, well, at least it doesn't appear to be good. And the previous owner actually closed up the chimney top on the roof, so in order for us to even use the existing chimney, we need to put up a new chimney top. The part in the basement is completely ruined and really needs to be rebuilt. What is left? The chimney that is in the walls...the walls that Matt and I so carefully sheetrocked. Do we take apart the sheetrock and look to see if we can reuse the chimney? Do we take the whole chimney down and put a new chimney up? And do we build an actual chimney, or do we get one of those metal bestos chimneys (the latter is a much more cost effective option). There are a lot of choices. Not that we have a ton of money to get a chimney either, but I think that after all is said and done, we will have still spent less installing a woodstove and using wood for heat this winter than what we would pay to heat our house with oil (the choice heating fuel for New England).
Along with all of my concerns about keeping the house warm enough, are my concerns about getting a renter for our studio. The studio isn't finished yet, but it shouldn't take us too long, if we can get our butts in gear. I was hoping that my Nana would move up into the apartment, I think it would be best for everyone involved, but she is stubborn, and I don't think that she is going to make the trek up here. Maybe that is a good thing. I know that God will let happen what is supposed to happen as long as we continue to pray and trust in Him. What a process though. I'm still waiting for the *big sign* to know what we are supposed to do.
I know, I'm just a jumble of thoughts this morning. It seems like so much to think about, and it really is a lot to think about. We now have Emma, and I am a stay at home mom, there are a lot of uncertainties in our future. I just need to trust that God will provide, but why is that so difficult?
OK, well I guess that is all the doom and gloom I can muster for 8am :-) I hope that everyone is enjoying there summers! I certainly have been! And although I am concerned about the coming winter, I am looking forward to fall. Apple picking, tomato canning, and fair season! Yay!
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
stay at home mama
It is official...I am now a full time mama, and I couldn't be happier. I was worried about the reaction from the people that I worked with, and my family, but for the most part everyone has been really positive. Of course my mom just about died, but I figured that would happen. A single, independent woman who raised 2 kids on her own...of course she would worry. I, on the other hand, am not at all concerned. Well, money is always a concern, but I really need to just let it go and give it to God. He has never failed us in the past, and putting our trust and faith in Him is the most important thing.
I am overly excited about the opportunity I have to make my home my mission. I love to spend the days with Emma and have a clean house, so being able to be at home all day is great. Although, with an 11 week old, the house seems to definitely sit on the back burner. That's ok though :-) I am trying to be a litte more organized, and hopefully that will help out as well.
The big thing that I have heard (mostly from my mom) is "you've spent so much money on your college education!" That is the truth...in fact I will continue to be spending money on my college education for the foreseeable future. However, I really do believe that college was worth it, even if I do stay home full time. I majored in Business (which I personally think every person should major in, very useful information), and plan to use that knowledge to work our budget, as well as hopefully do some work from home. I have always enjoyed creating things, and hope that I can make some money off of it. I have been looking into the etsy shops, and think that it would be fun to have a little online business. It would combine a lot of what I love, creating, and organizing a business ;-) Plus, it isn't like I need to be at it constantly, so I can still spend as much time as I want with little miss Emma bean :-)
Ahhhh...new adventures...fun!
I am overly excited about the opportunity I have to make my home my mission. I love to spend the days with Emma and have a clean house, so being able to be at home all day is great. Although, with an 11 week old, the house seems to definitely sit on the back burner. That's ok though :-) I am trying to be a litte more organized, and hopefully that will help out as well.
The big thing that I have heard (mostly from my mom) is "you've spent so much money on your college education!" That is the truth...in fact I will continue to be spending money on my college education for the foreseeable future. However, I really do believe that college was worth it, even if I do stay home full time. I majored in Business (which I personally think every person should major in, very useful information), and plan to use that knowledge to work our budget, as well as hopefully do some work from home. I have always enjoyed creating things, and hope that I can make some money off of it. I have been looking into the etsy shops, and think that it would be fun to have a little online business. It would combine a lot of what I love, creating, and organizing a business ;-) Plus, it isn't like I need to be at it constantly, so I can still spend as much time as I want with little miss Emma bean :-)
Ahhhh...new adventures...fun!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
work struggles
Well, it seems my work from home option isn't really as beneficial to the company as it is to me. My boss did put together a very generous offer of me going down to fewer hours, but still coming into the office to work for 1 day a week for 6 weeks, and then moving to 2 days a week and so on. The offer is generous, I appreciate that they are trying to work with me, but the first thing I did when I saw the offer was cry. I am disappointed that I can't at least attempt to work from home full-time for a period and see if it works out for them.
Now what do I do? Well, Emma doesn't take a bottle, so going into the office is out of the question unless I can bring her with me. And then there is the fact that I will most likely be expected to accomplish the same amount of work in fewer hours. I don't want to go back, but trusting God to provide for us is also a big obstacle. I know that He provides everything we need, but man, taking that leap is a huge test of faith.
I know that if we have a renter everything will be fine. I know that I could always get another job in the evenings, or possibly do some bookkeeping for people. I also know that I want to be a full time mom. I want to be a homemaker, I enjoy that. I know that I probably could force Emma to take a bottle if I refused to breast feed her, but really, why would I want to torture my child just so that I can go back to work?
All of this is such a struggle. I want to do what is right for my family. I want to do what God wants me to do. But, how do I know what path is the right path? I am leaning towards not going back to work at all, obviously, but is that just because I don't want to go back to work? Or is it because that is what God wants for me?
The other difficulty is the fact that I love the people I work with/for, and my job is amazing. I loved going into work everyday, eating lunch with everyone and spewing off loads of simple living info I have gathered. I enjoyed all of it. But, maybe it is time to move on, and just hope that everything falls into place financially?? Ahhh...being 27...too many decisions! But in the meantime, if anyone out in blogland wants to move to Maine and into a brand new studio apartment, let me know :-)
Now what do I do? Well, Emma doesn't take a bottle, so going into the office is out of the question unless I can bring her with me. And then there is the fact that I will most likely be expected to accomplish the same amount of work in fewer hours. I don't want to go back, but trusting God to provide for us is also a big obstacle. I know that He provides everything we need, but man, taking that leap is a huge test of faith.
I know that if we have a renter everything will be fine. I know that I could always get another job in the evenings, or possibly do some bookkeeping for people. I also know that I want to be a full time mom. I want to be a homemaker, I enjoy that. I know that I probably could force Emma to take a bottle if I refused to breast feed her, but really, why would I want to torture my child just so that I can go back to work?
All of this is such a struggle. I want to do what is right for my family. I want to do what God wants me to do. But, how do I know what path is the right path? I am leaning towards not going back to work at all, obviously, but is that just because I don't want to go back to work? Or is it because that is what God wants for me?
The other difficulty is the fact that I love the people I work with/for, and my job is amazing. I loved going into work everyday, eating lunch with everyone and spewing off loads of simple living info I have gathered. I enjoyed all of it. But, maybe it is time to move on, and just hope that everything falls into place financially?? Ahhh...being 27...too many decisions! But in the meantime, if anyone out in blogland wants to move to Maine and into a brand new studio apartment, let me know :-)
Friday, April 25, 2008
the art of not blogging consistently
OK, so clearly I haven't held up my side of the bargain...blogging more frequently. I feel like I have a good excuse. I am pregnant, I can barely put two coherent thoughts together right now :-) I am hoping that this little baby wants to come out soon though, because her mama is getting slightly impatient. I am kind of on bed rest...well...if I do too much I swell to the size of a large elephant, and then it ends up taking me at least 3 hours to deflate a bit. Figures. I have gained way more weight than any normal person should during pregnancy. OK, so it hasn't been nearly that bad. I mean, I didn't have any morning sickness! Severe back pain, yes, contractions since 24 weeks...sure...but no morning sickness!
So I'm not working now. And I think that is a good thing. I think that my body was really telling me to stop. I have had fewer contractions in the past couple weeks, and that makes me happy, of course now I want the contractions to be coming on nice and strong...unfortunately not happening. But what do I do when I don't work? Well, let's see...I go on the internet. I don't just go on the internet for entertainment news anymore...ahhh the naivety of a previous life. Nope, now I am on the internet researching everything bad in the world. I have become some crazy extremist I believe. I think that it must be partially hormonal though.
Since last year I have spent a lot of time researching the relocalization of food, peak oil, being kinder to the environment. I'm sure everyone that has read this blog actually sees what a struggle it has been for me. Yet, now, I am starting to freak out even more. It seems like everything I have been spewing off to my co-workers and friends and family about food shortages etc. really is happening. Yesterday I heard that Costco and Sam's Club are both limiting (rationing) the amount of rice you can buy. But, they assure us there is no shortage of rice. That I don't understand. Then this morning...the Wall Street Journal posts an article about how it is time to start stockpiling food. Yeah...that is bad. The Wall Street Journal? It is a publication that I find truly unbiased, which is nice considering I am a conservative republican baptist green mama. :-)
See I don't think that the media is treating this in the best way at all. All week the Today show has talked about the rising food prices and the shortages that we are starting to have. This causes people to panic and stockpile food, which causes shortages and prices to go up. That is not going to help us. Instead, I wish that the media actually gave ideas how to deal with these types of problems. Yes, it is good to prepare for a disaster, but not everyone all at once. Gradually, over time, is what is needed. Instead, I think that they need to get into information about how to grow some of your own food. How it is important to eat seasonal local food and stop relying on food from California. I mean, I live in Maine, we produce quite a bit of food in Maine. Potatoes for one thing, it is a huge crop for the northern part of our state. Yes, I can find Maine potatoes at the grocery store, but more often than not they are buried under the Idaho potatoes...is there a reason we need Idaho potatoes when we produce plenty in Maine as it is? Maybe we don't actually produce enough potatoes in Maine to feed the state, but I would expect we do. And another thing, maple syrup...we have plenty of Maine made maple syrup, yet, it is most likely overpowered on the shelves by the stuff from Vermont. Why is that? OK, so these are probably petty examples...but I don't get it.
I am so thankful that we are joining the CSA this year. I think it is going to be a very difficult summer with buying food from the grocery store...oil prices are through the roof, gas prices keep going higher and higher. What is next? I am seriously concerned about bringing my daughter into this world, and how we are going to provide for her. (this is where the hormones come in) So Matt works an hour away from our house...that is 50 miles...so 100 miles a day on the car, that is filling up twice a week. At least our little yaris gets good gas mileage. But, at what point is it not worth it anymore? When do we sell everything and move into an apartment? OK, we have a ways to go before that would need to happen. It is still a concern though. Do we sell the other car? Try and pay down some of our debt? Well Dave Ramsey would say absolutely...and so would I. But, how do you sell all of this stuff in a time of economic downturn? Part of me feels guilty unloading our possessions on someone else who may not really realize what is going on. At the same time, having less debt is always a plus.
We are looking into getting a wood stove...and also turning part of the upstairs of our house into a studio apartment. It might be able to help us with the oil prices next year. I keep telling my brother and sister-in-law to move in with us. No one listens to me though, and really, I'm kind of crazy, so I'm sure they want to stay as far away from us as possible. I have been talking about a commune, get some cute little goats and chickens and have a community living experience with the rest of my family. It may eventually come to that. Maybe it won't. And will my poor husband be able to keep up with me and all my craziness? Who knows :-) I'm hoping that things just all of a sudden become clear to me and soon, because I feel like I am going in circles and am at a stand still as to what I should do next.
For the time being I am planning on getting all of my jars ready for a major canning extravaganza this summer/fall, and hopefully I will be able to preserve a lot of what we receive from the CSA. Other than that, it is trying to figure out how to afford to install a wood stove in a house with no working chimney, and how to afford to finish fixing up the upstairs of the house so it is livable. Then I can work on calming myself down a bit...I do know that God will always provide for me, but sometimes not knowing how is the worst part for any person to deal with.
So I'm not working now. And I think that is a good thing. I think that my body was really telling me to stop. I have had fewer contractions in the past couple weeks, and that makes me happy, of course now I want the contractions to be coming on nice and strong...unfortunately not happening. But what do I do when I don't work? Well, let's see...I go on the internet. I don't just go on the internet for entertainment news anymore...ahhh the naivety of a previous life. Nope, now I am on the internet researching everything bad in the world. I have become some crazy extremist I believe. I think that it must be partially hormonal though.
Since last year I have spent a lot of time researching the relocalization of food, peak oil, being kinder to the environment. I'm sure everyone that has read this blog actually sees what a struggle it has been for me. Yet, now, I am starting to freak out even more. It seems like everything I have been spewing off to my co-workers and friends and family about food shortages etc. really is happening. Yesterday I heard that Costco and Sam's Club are both limiting (rationing) the amount of rice you can buy. But, they assure us there is no shortage of rice. That I don't understand. Then this morning...the Wall Street Journal posts an article about how it is time to start stockpiling food. Yeah...that is bad. The Wall Street Journal? It is a publication that I find truly unbiased, which is nice considering I am a conservative republican baptist green mama. :-)
See I don't think that the media is treating this in the best way at all. All week the Today show has talked about the rising food prices and the shortages that we are starting to have. This causes people to panic and stockpile food, which causes shortages and prices to go up. That is not going to help us. Instead, I wish that the media actually gave ideas how to deal with these types of problems. Yes, it is good to prepare for a disaster, but not everyone all at once. Gradually, over time, is what is needed. Instead, I think that they need to get into information about how to grow some of your own food. How it is important to eat seasonal local food and stop relying on food from California. I mean, I live in Maine, we produce quite a bit of food in Maine. Potatoes for one thing, it is a huge crop for the northern part of our state. Yes, I can find Maine potatoes at the grocery store, but more often than not they are buried under the Idaho potatoes...is there a reason we need Idaho potatoes when we produce plenty in Maine as it is? Maybe we don't actually produce enough potatoes in Maine to feed the state, but I would expect we do. And another thing, maple syrup...we have plenty of Maine made maple syrup, yet, it is most likely overpowered on the shelves by the stuff from Vermont. Why is that? OK, so these are probably petty examples...but I don't get it.
I am so thankful that we are joining the CSA this year. I think it is going to be a very difficult summer with buying food from the grocery store...oil prices are through the roof, gas prices keep going higher and higher. What is next? I am seriously concerned about bringing my daughter into this world, and how we are going to provide for her. (this is where the hormones come in) So Matt works an hour away from our house...that is 50 miles...so 100 miles a day on the car, that is filling up twice a week. At least our little yaris gets good gas mileage. But, at what point is it not worth it anymore? When do we sell everything and move into an apartment? OK, we have a ways to go before that would need to happen. It is still a concern though. Do we sell the other car? Try and pay down some of our debt? Well Dave Ramsey would say absolutely...and so would I. But, how do you sell all of this stuff in a time of economic downturn? Part of me feels guilty unloading our possessions on someone else who may not really realize what is going on. At the same time, having less debt is always a plus.
We are looking into getting a wood stove...and also turning part of the upstairs of our house into a studio apartment. It might be able to help us with the oil prices next year. I keep telling my brother and sister-in-law to move in with us. No one listens to me though, and really, I'm kind of crazy, so I'm sure they want to stay as far away from us as possible. I have been talking about a commune, get some cute little goats and chickens and have a community living experience with the rest of my family. It may eventually come to that. Maybe it won't. And will my poor husband be able to keep up with me and all my craziness? Who knows :-) I'm hoping that things just all of a sudden become clear to me and soon, because I feel like I am going in circles and am at a stand still as to what I should do next.
For the time being I am planning on getting all of my jars ready for a major canning extravaganza this summer/fall, and hopefully I will be able to preserve a lot of what we receive from the CSA. Other than that, it is trying to figure out how to afford to install a wood stove in a house with no working chimney, and how to afford to finish fixing up the upstairs of the house so it is livable. Then I can work on calming myself down a bit...I do know that God will always provide for me, but sometimes not knowing how is the worst part for any person to deal with.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
giving concerns to God
Sometimes I feel like I can do everything on my own...well those are the times when everything is going according to MY plan. But, what about God's plan? I find that a lot of the time I tend to just lose myself in God's word, pray a lot, and those are actually the times that everything seems to be going MY way. It isn't though, it's God's way.
The problem? I get too comfortable. I start thinking about God less and what I want more, and then what happens? I get stressed out and feel like I have lost control of my life, again. I can't seem to get it through my head that I was never in control of my life. I need to just sit back and let God work, because if I do fight him, it always ends up causing more pain.
How do you know what God's plan is? I know that I have written a lot about prayer and reading my Bible, but I think that is just the tip. How do I trust God more and trust me less? Maybe when I am reading the Bible and praying, I'm not doing it the right way. I can't figure it out. All I know is that I am a planner, and sometimes I wish God would fill me in on what is going on in the next couple of months, so I am not always worrying about the next thing. That probably makes no sense at all.
I'm still having trouble praying, and that is probably why I continue to struggle. I have such great intentions. Why does something always come up? Or why does nothing but laziness come up? I'm not strong enough. I need His help. Will I always struggle? Even if I am doing everything I think I should be doing? Will it be enough?
The problem? I get too comfortable. I start thinking about God less and what I want more, and then what happens? I get stressed out and feel like I have lost control of my life, again. I can't seem to get it through my head that I was never in control of my life. I need to just sit back and let God work, because if I do fight him, it always ends up causing more pain.
How do you know what God's plan is? I know that I have written a lot about prayer and reading my Bible, but I think that is just the tip. How do I trust God more and trust me less? Maybe when I am reading the Bible and praying, I'm not doing it the right way. I can't figure it out. All I know is that I am a planner, and sometimes I wish God would fill me in on what is going on in the next couple of months, so I am not always worrying about the next thing. That probably makes no sense at all.
I'm still having trouble praying, and that is probably why I continue to struggle. I have such great intentions. Why does something always come up? Or why does nothing but laziness come up? I'm not strong enough. I need His help. Will I always struggle? Even if I am doing everything I think I should be doing? Will it be enough?
Monday, July 16, 2007
writing and other stuff
I haven't been writing as much as I would like. I wish I could be one of those people who updates everyday, sometimes twice a day. I guess I could be that person, but I am constantly concerned about what people are going to do once they read what I do have to say. It's probably no secret that I am a conservative Christian, and I would like to reach out to people from this blog, but I feel like if I am completely honest and true to what I want to write, I would just start getting hate mail...and really, I just have no desire for hate mail :-)
That being said, I am having a difficult time forming my thoughts into coherent sentences that one can actually read. Sometimes I think that I must be going through some type of crisis mentally because I have so many thoughts racing through my brain. Is this normal? Do other people deal with this as well?
I guess we are just experiencing a lot of life changes in my household currently, nothing bad, but just trying to figure out where to go next. There are a lot of things that Matt and I want to accomplish...many many things really. I think that is good, we are only in our 20's. But, then my practical planner side kicks in and I end up over analyzing everything and end up doing nothing. I don't want to look back on this time and be upset or regret a choice that we made. So I just keep talking about the choices, and trying to figure out what the next step really should be.
Exciting times are ahead I feel...I am looking forward to new adventures and hopefully at some point a larger family to continue my journey with. We shall see what the Lord brings.
That being said, I am having a difficult time forming my thoughts into coherent sentences that one can actually read. Sometimes I think that I must be going through some type of crisis mentally because I have so many thoughts racing through my brain. Is this normal? Do other people deal with this as well?
I guess we are just experiencing a lot of life changes in my household currently, nothing bad, but just trying to figure out where to go next. There are a lot of things that Matt and I want to accomplish...many many things really. I think that is good, we are only in our 20's. But, then my practical planner side kicks in and I end up over analyzing everything and end up doing nothing. I don't want to look back on this time and be upset or regret a choice that we made. So I just keep talking about the choices, and trying to figure out what the next step really should be.
Exciting times are ahead I feel...I am looking forward to new adventures and hopefully at some point a larger family to continue my journey with. We shall see what the Lord brings.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
ramblings
It's amazing to me how much time goes by without me actually accomplishing anything. Does anyone else have this problem? It seems like I will just sort of go along with my day to day stuff, and forget to actually enjoy what is in front of me. I am one of those people that is always looking to the next goal, what will be accomplished next, how fast can I get there etc. Of course, I forget along the way to actually be in the now.
In college I had to do an outward bound type trip called La Vida. I spent 2 weeks kayaking through upstate New York. It was awesome, and challenging...and I hated most of it while I was there, mainly because it was 45 degrees and raining for 12 days straight...but, there was one important lesson to be learned: Be in the now. Don't continue to think about tomorrow because today could be your last.
Now that isn't a really uplifting thing to think about, today could be your last. But, I really do believe that you can take away that you should live everyday to the fullest. Make yourself happy, choose to enjoy your life. Don't let it just pass you by. I think that I need to start instilling those thoughts in my mind. Obviously I don't live in a bubble. I would like to look at the outside more. Enjoy God's creation. Realize all that I have in my life currently without being so dissatisfied with little things.
I have a home, a loving husband, a great job. There are so many blessings in my life, yet a lot of the time I can't see them. Instead I am bitter at ridiculous situations and make myself miserable in the process. Now what fun is that? How crazy is one to just let themselves be unhappy and in denial about all the good in their lives.
I guess I have been reading a lot of Job lately, so of course I think about these bizarre things. It is just interesting to think about how fast time flies past you, and how much you are able to accomplish one day at a time, enjoying every minute of it.
In college I had to do an outward bound type trip called La Vida. I spent 2 weeks kayaking through upstate New York. It was awesome, and challenging...and I hated most of it while I was there, mainly because it was 45 degrees and raining for 12 days straight...but, there was one important lesson to be learned: Be in the now. Don't continue to think about tomorrow because today could be your last.
Now that isn't a really uplifting thing to think about, today could be your last. But, I really do believe that you can take away that you should live everyday to the fullest. Make yourself happy, choose to enjoy your life. Don't let it just pass you by. I think that I need to start instilling those thoughts in my mind. Obviously I don't live in a bubble. I would like to look at the outside more. Enjoy God's creation. Realize all that I have in my life currently without being so dissatisfied with little things.
I have a home, a loving husband, a great job. There are so many blessings in my life, yet a lot of the time I can't see them. Instead I am bitter at ridiculous situations and make myself miserable in the process. Now what fun is that? How crazy is one to just let themselves be unhappy and in denial about all the good in their lives.
I guess I have been reading a lot of Job lately, so of course I think about these bizarre things. It is just interesting to think about how fast time flies past you, and how much you are able to accomplish one day at a time, enjoying every minute of it.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Job
I have been reading Job the past few days. What an inspiring book of the Bible. It's amazing to me that Job lost all of his riches, his children and ended up with nothing but boils on his skin, yet he was still praising God. I think that Job demonstrates a need to simplify our lives. He had nothing, and was sick, and still praised God. Why is it so hard for me to do the same?
I'm not asking for sickness, believe me I have had my fair share, but definitely getting rid of the "stuff" in my life should be easy. And I think that having less stuff equals more time to concentrate on God, and what he has in store for my life.
It is kind of funny, now that I am trying to reduce my impact on the earth, all the passages I read seem to speak to me on some level about reducing the things I have in my life, looking to God more, and spending more time reading the Bible, and just being content with less. It is great! I do feel more fulfilled, not as bogged down. I can't tell you how many times I watched the news when we were down in Mass and there was another murder in Dorchester...actually that was everyday. Now I don't even watch the Maine news, and I am happier for it.
I do still check in online to make sure I haven't missed some huge piece of news, but for the most part, I am better off not knowing all the troubles that are going on in the world. It makes for a happier, more peaceful existence, and that is definitely my goal right now.
I'm not sure if I wrote this yet or not, but Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly is going on a trek around the country to make people more aware of being green. She and her husband are converting an RV to run on veggie oil. How cool is that?! She is extremely inspirational to me, although I just don't know if I could do all that she does! She is definitely simplifying her lifestyle, and I think we could all learn a little bit from her about what is important and what isn't.
I shall leave you with a quote from the book of Job:
Job 2:10a
"Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?"
I'm not asking for sickness, believe me I have had my fair share, but definitely getting rid of the "stuff" in my life should be easy. And I think that having less stuff equals more time to concentrate on God, and what he has in store for my life.
It is kind of funny, now that I am trying to reduce my impact on the earth, all the passages I read seem to speak to me on some level about reducing the things I have in my life, looking to God more, and spending more time reading the Bible, and just being content with less. It is great! I do feel more fulfilled, not as bogged down. I can't tell you how many times I watched the news when we were down in Mass and there was another murder in Dorchester...actually that was everyday. Now I don't even watch the Maine news, and I am happier for it.
I do still check in online to make sure I haven't missed some huge piece of news, but for the most part, I am better off not knowing all the troubles that are going on in the world. It makes for a happier, more peaceful existence, and that is definitely my goal right now.
I'm not sure if I wrote this yet or not, but Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly is going on a trek around the country to make people more aware of being green. She and her husband are converting an RV to run on veggie oil. How cool is that?! She is extremely inspirational to me, although I just don't know if I could do all that she does! She is definitely simplifying her lifestyle, and I think we could all learn a little bit from her about what is important and what isn't.
I shall leave you with a quote from the book of Job:
Job 2:10a
"Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?"
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
old soul
A friend of mine at work yesterday called me an old soul. I was surprised by that comment because to me I feel like my life is utter chaos and I am always going a mile a minute. Apparently I am a good actress :-) It got me to thinking though, what exactly is an "old soul?"
For me, I guess an old soul is someone who is always looking for those answers. What purpose does God have for my life? Why isn't it easier to figure out? And why is it that nothing seems to work out the way I plan? Well, that last one is easy. I think that if I consulted God more, before just deciding what was going to happen, I would be much better off. But, really, where is the fun in that?!
Before we started renovating the house, Matt (affectionately described as "the husband" previously) and I started going through "the Purpose Driven Life." We didn't make it that far into it, unfortunately the house was calling...even though there was that little contract at the beginning...nevertheless, we did not complete it. However, I feel like it was definitely working in our favor to go through that book. I plan to pick it up again soon and finish it.
So what is my purpose in life? I have been asking myself this since I was 15. I was in a horrible car accident when I was 15, and really should have been dead. But, I didn't die. In fact, I made it out of the hospital faster then the Dr.'s ever said I would. Why? Well obviously God has a specific purpose for me. And so for the past 11 years I have been waiting to find out what that purpose is. And , just as I was 11 years ago, I still have no clue.
I guess my purpose could be that I am to be a good steward to God's creation. I like that purpose, but is it the only one? Most likely not. So here I am again, sitting with many many questions, one of which is why my friend would see me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. I ask her, and she tells me that I know what I am doing, I am not searching, I already have a belief system.
That made me think. I guess to the non-Christian it may look like I know what is going on. Even though, there is always going to be searching, I already know that there is a God, and Jesus died for me. It really is amazing the perspective that some people can bring into your life. I really appreciate this friend, more than she realizes. She makes me think harder about the questions that I had answers to long ago. She makes me want to learn more so I can share it with her.
I still don't know my purpose, and have no idea if I ever will know what my purpose really is. Do we, as Christians, go through life not really knowing our purpose? And when we do get to heaven, will our purpose be revealed to us then? Sometimes I wonder if the way I lead my life is my purpose, and if that is the case, I need to reconsider many of the ways I lead it. And now I have even more questions then when I started. Funny how God works sometimes...
For me, I guess an old soul is someone who is always looking for those answers. What purpose does God have for my life? Why isn't it easier to figure out? And why is it that nothing seems to work out the way I plan? Well, that last one is easy. I think that if I consulted God more, before just deciding what was going to happen, I would be much better off. But, really, where is the fun in that?!
Before we started renovating the house, Matt (affectionately described as "the husband" previously) and I started going through "the Purpose Driven Life." We didn't make it that far into it, unfortunately the house was calling...even though there was that little contract at the beginning...nevertheless, we did not complete it. However, I feel like it was definitely working in our favor to go through that book. I plan to pick it up again soon and finish it.
So what is my purpose in life? I have been asking myself this since I was 15. I was in a horrible car accident when I was 15, and really should have been dead. But, I didn't die. In fact, I made it out of the hospital faster then the Dr.'s ever said I would. Why? Well obviously God has a specific purpose for me. And so for the past 11 years I have been waiting to find out what that purpose is. And , just as I was 11 years ago, I still have no clue.
I guess my purpose could be that I am to be a good steward to God's creation. I like that purpose, but is it the only one? Most likely not. So here I am again, sitting with many many questions, one of which is why my friend would see me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. I ask her, and she tells me that I know what I am doing, I am not searching, I already have a belief system.
That made me think. I guess to the non-Christian it may look like I know what is going on. Even though, there is always going to be searching, I already know that there is a God, and Jesus died for me. It really is amazing the perspective that some people can bring into your life. I really appreciate this friend, more than she realizes. She makes me think harder about the questions that I had answers to long ago. She makes me want to learn more so I can share it with her.
I still don't know my purpose, and have no idea if I ever will know what my purpose really is. Do we, as Christians, go through life not really knowing our purpose? And when we do get to heaven, will our purpose be revealed to us then? Sometimes I wonder if the way I lead my life is my purpose, and if that is the case, I need to reconsider many of the ways I lead it. And now I have even more questions then when I started. Funny how God works sometimes...
Monday, June 18, 2007
Proverbs 31
I have read a lot recently about a "Proverbs 31 Woman." I must say that I don't ever remember reading this passage in the Bible before. I'm sure at some point I had heard about this passage, and what it means, but I couldn't think of it when I heard about it recently. So, I turned to my trusty Bible, opened up to Proverbs 31, and here is what is written:
Proverbs 31
The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him:
What, my Son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;
Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to him who is perishing,
And wine to those who are bitter of heart.
Let him drink and forget his poverty,
And remember his misery no more.
Open your mouth for the speechless,
In the cause of all who are appointed to die.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And plead the case of the poor and needy.
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all."
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
What a powerful message this is to all women. I think that it gives something to strive for. This is what I want to be. I want to be able to do all the things above. Whether or not I will ever achieve the title "Proverbs 31 Woman," I have no idea, but I have to at least try. Over the next few months I hope to look at each verse more closely, and figure out what it all means. I am excited for this study, and hope that others find it as interesting as I do.
Proverbs 31
The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him:
What, my Son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;
Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to him who is perishing,
And wine to those who are bitter of heart.
Let him drink and forget his poverty,
And remember his misery no more.
Open your mouth for the speechless,
In the cause of all who are appointed to die.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And plead the case of the poor and needy.
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all."
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
What a powerful message this is to all women. I think that it gives something to strive for. This is what I want to be. I want to be able to do all the things above. Whether or not I will ever achieve the title "Proverbs 31 Woman," I have no idea, but I have to at least try. Over the next few months I hope to look at each verse more closely, and figure out what it all means. I am excited for this study, and hope that others find it as interesting as I do.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
changes
I have been looking at so many blogs lately, it is making my head spin. There are so many women out there doing what I would like to do, raise a family and be a homemaker. But, since I don't have any kids, I guess I really can't do that right now. But, these women seem to be fearless. They are strong in their convictions, strong in their relationship with God, and strong in their place in their homes. How amazing these women are, and how much I strive to be like them. Someday.
I would like to start reading my Bible more. Since we moved into the house I have been diligent to get up with the husband, he wakes up at 5am so he can leave for work at 6am, and read my Bible during the week. I feel like it isn't enough though. I sit and read, and just want to keep reading, only to realize that it is 6:30 and I have to start getting ready for work. I have gotten my morning routine down to about 25 minutes so that I can sit down again and read more of the Bible and meditate on the words. I want more though. I am hungry for more.
I decided a while back that I really wanted to read through the entire Bible. I haven't done it before, and I can't figure out why. I went to a Christian college, took Bible courses, but never managed to get through the entire thing. Well, I think that my main problem was the Old Testament. Especially Leveticus, Numbers, I & II Kings, I & II Chronicles. Most of the other books seem to be very easy. But, some of the names of people and the extensive rules are hard to swallow. I need to pray hard to get through those books. Well, luckily I have just finished I Chronicles, and tomorrow will begin II Chronicles.
It is awesome to be reading God's word everyday. I feel more alive, more at peace, and understand more of His message to me. It is amazing how peaceful that can be. At the same time, I am by no means doing a good job, and know that I can do so much more. I tend to read more then study the Bible, I don't memorize verses the way I should, and I don't pray like I should. Instead, I tend to have a somewhat pointless (on my part) tangent filled prayer life. I struggle between having a personal relationship with Jesus and giving God the glory he deserves. Maybe that sounds silly, but when I pray I tend to go off on tangents, and then catch myself thinking, why in the world would I bother God with that. But, at the same time, I do feel like I can talk to God about anything, and want to be able to talk to Him like a friend. Maybe I am doing fine.
So let's say the way I pray is fine. But what about the time I spend praying? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be constantly in prayer? That is not how I am at all. In fact, I find that I just don't pray, not because I don't want to, but because I don't think about it. It needs to be more prevelant in my life, it needs to be at the forefront of my thoughts. How is it that I can call myself a Christian when I am not in constant communication with my maker? These are all questions that I struggle with daily, and assume I will continue to struggle about.
Overall, I need to STUDY my Bible, not just read it, I need to be in CONSTANT PRAYER, and I need to praise and honor God through my actions...but how do I go about changing when I am such a sinful person?
I would like to start reading my Bible more. Since we moved into the house I have been diligent to get up with the husband, he wakes up at 5am so he can leave for work at 6am, and read my Bible during the week. I feel like it isn't enough though. I sit and read, and just want to keep reading, only to realize that it is 6:30 and I have to start getting ready for work. I have gotten my morning routine down to about 25 minutes so that I can sit down again and read more of the Bible and meditate on the words. I want more though. I am hungry for more.
I decided a while back that I really wanted to read through the entire Bible. I haven't done it before, and I can't figure out why. I went to a Christian college, took Bible courses, but never managed to get through the entire thing. Well, I think that my main problem was the Old Testament. Especially Leveticus, Numbers, I & II Kings, I & II Chronicles. Most of the other books seem to be very easy. But, some of the names of people and the extensive rules are hard to swallow. I need to pray hard to get through those books. Well, luckily I have just finished I Chronicles, and tomorrow will begin II Chronicles.
It is awesome to be reading God's word everyday. I feel more alive, more at peace, and understand more of His message to me. It is amazing how peaceful that can be. At the same time, I am by no means doing a good job, and know that I can do so much more. I tend to read more then study the Bible, I don't memorize verses the way I should, and I don't pray like I should. Instead, I tend to have a somewhat pointless (on my part) tangent filled prayer life. I struggle between having a personal relationship with Jesus and giving God the glory he deserves. Maybe that sounds silly, but when I pray I tend to go off on tangents, and then catch myself thinking, why in the world would I bother God with that. But, at the same time, I do feel like I can talk to God about anything, and want to be able to talk to Him like a friend. Maybe I am doing fine.
So let's say the way I pray is fine. But what about the time I spend praying? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be constantly in prayer? That is not how I am at all. In fact, I find that I just don't pray, not because I don't want to, but because I don't think about it. It needs to be more prevelant in my life, it needs to be at the forefront of my thoughts. How is it that I can call myself a Christian when I am not in constant communication with my maker? These are all questions that I struggle with daily, and assume I will continue to struggle about.
Overall, I need to STUDY my Bible, not just read it, I need to be in CONSTANT PRAYER, and I need to praise and honor God through my actions...but how do I go about changing when I am such a sinful person?
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