I never seem to write anymore. Not that I don't have a million things to say, it's just that I don't know how to get them down in a post. Everyday seems to be the same for me now. I wake up and think about money, I go to work and think about money, I come home and think about money. Not just about money either. How can I live without money? How can I become more self-sufficient? How can I budget my life and what we actually need vs. what we "think" we need? It is a never ending struggle I swear. And of course I am a serious pessimist. Meaning, I think that we are in a food shortage, I think I won't be able to afford to get oil anymore (that's a problem living in the Northeast by the way), I can't feed my family good wholesome food that is produced at least in the country (organic peppers from Israel, what?) It is all very stressful.
Now, am I just oversensitive because I am in my 3rd trimester and ready to give birth at really any moment? Maybe. Or is it because I have spent the past year seriously reading all of the ridiculous information that is out now on Peak Oil, sustainability, food shortages, water shortages? It's probably a good combination of both. It is that never ending stream of information though. The fact that I feel 100 times more educated on food production now than I did last year at this time. It's crazy. And I know that there is even more information out there that I haven't read yet. What happens when I read that? Am I going to build a bomb shelter and become a hermit? Well, I am one for extremes...
So what now? Everything I read on the economy is depressing. Every single elective class for my business major I took in college was in economics, so I feel pretty confident when reading the Fed's reports or listening to speeches on the economy. Not that I am an expert by any means. I am very conservative as far as my political views go, yet, as soon as I start thinking about food and how my little family can support itself and not be so reliant on "the man," it just doesn't jive well. I know that God will provide for us everything that we need. I know that I will never be given a challenge or face some situation that I cannot handle. My loving Savior is not out to get me. But, can I get out of my own way before something else does?
We have been going through a lot of changes in the past year. Becoming more aware of what we put into our bodies, where the food is coming from. How to conserve more energy, keeping the heat down low and barely turning lights on ever. Yet, I feel like it isn't enough. Oil prices keep going up. This is probably the biggest issue. In Maine, a big part of your utilities is the heating oil. There are few ways around it unless you are blessed with a house that has a wood stove. Unfortunately ours was not. In fact the chimney isn't even functional. So, in order to become less dependent on oil, we need to shell out quite a bit of money to get a wood stove and either build a new chimney, get some type of venting system, or redo the old chimney...yeah...have you seen how much a mason costs? But, once we have the wood stove, then maybe we can have the house warmer than 55 degrees during the winter. Although keeping the heat down this winter hasn't been nearly as bad as I expected. Yes, there have been some days where we have had to turn up the heat (mainly when relatives come to visit), but our bodies have acclimated to the cold. The problem for next year? Having a baby does not give us the same luxury of just sucking it up. See! I'm already stressed.
I feel like I do a lot of talking about what we can do to change, but we never actually get to that point. Is that normal? How can I get out of this funk and actually take a step in the right direction? I think that part of it is my "planning" nature. I mean, I really need to plan the crap out of something before I do it. Not always a bad thing of course, but maybe in this situation I need to talk less and do more. At the same time I am feeling a lot better about how we are living now. We are all signed up for our CSA, something I am extremely excited about. I buy organic free range meat from a farm close to my work. We are keeping the heat down and keeping the lights off. I'm even making my own bread each week! Maybe it is about baby steps. One thing at a time. Once you get comfortable, move on to the next thing. But, I don't want to take too long to get to all these steps!
I have a lot more to say on all things money/food related, but I think I will wrap up this jumbled post right now. Someday I will be able to have coherent thoughts on these subjects, but for now, just random ramblings. I kind of like it like that :-)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
it's been a while
I think that is the story with my last few posts...however...I actually have been away for quite some time now from writing...but I want to get back to it. We have had many life changes over the past few months. The biggest of which is that Matt and I are expecting a baby girl in May. We are both so completely overjoyed at this new phase in our lives. With the news of a baby, I have been thinking even more about simplifying our lives and trying to get out of debt...
Debt...it is the neverending battle with us. For Christmas I bought Matt the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. There seem to be a lot of good ideas in the book. See the problem is not that I don't know money, I do, I'm an accountant. The problem is that it seems like we never. have. enough. I think most people must feel this way right now. The economy doesn't seem to be doing that well, yet people continue to buy on credit all things they do not need. And it seems that as soon as you think you are pulling ahead, something comes up to drag you down. For us, our biggest issue are those pesky student loans. Not just the federal loans either...no...we had to take out personal loans in order to fund our wonderful private college education. I'm not sure if I had it to do over what I would do. I am happy with the education that I received, and believe that I would probably be a lot worse off had I not gotten that education, at the same time I think...if I had only gone to the state university...oh how my life would be different :-) Oh well, we have to get past it, which we are now trying to do.
I think that budgeting, simplifying, eating locally, our Christian values, it is all intertwined. When we are doing what God wants of us, we tend to have less stress and fewer problems. It is the trusting that God will lead us in the right direction that has been very trying. We are getting there though. We recently started attending a new church, and it looks like a place where we could definitely get involved and grow our faith. That is something I am very excited about. I wanted to find a church that would have people our age, young married couples, especially now that we have our little one on the way.
Another step Matt and I have taken is to register for a share in a CSA this summer. I think that having a baby in the beginning of May, and then being able to eat the wonderful bounty of a garden throughout the 21 weeks will be amazing. I'm hoping it allows us the opportunity to preserve food for the winter when the little one will be starting solids. It is an organic farm, and that is what I would like our baby girl to get used to right off. Fresh, organic food. I plan to make my own baby food. It seems like an easy enough task. I'm not fond of all the processing that goes into baby food these days.
Because of the combination of having the baby and getting the CSA, we have decided to put off the "real" garden this year. I am going to do my container gardening again though. I had a huge amount of success with it last year. Plus, I would never get enough tomatoes in a CSA :-) I'm hoping that this fall we will be able to prepare a place in our yard for the garden so that it is ready for planting next spring. In the meantime, I will most likely do tomatoes, cukes, sweet peppers, jalapeno peppers, and lettuce, plus cilantro and basil. Seems like a lot for container gardening, but with the deck and stairs leading to the 2nd floor of our house it really isn't a big deal. Plus, the fact that all I have to do is water the plants once or twice a day...yeah...that is the big selling point :-)
In other news, with all the rate cuts recently, we are going to try and refinance our house. Hopefully it will save us some money. We are also trying to get the upstairs of the house finished before the baby comes. But, that doesn't look like it will actually happen, so in the meantime, the baby will be in a makeshift baby room in the dining room. Does that make me a bad mother? Nah, I think she will be happy as a clam in the dining room :-)
OK, that is the brief update on the last few months of my life. I'm not sure I actually have any readers anymore, but that's ok. There is a lot to look forward to in the coming months. I'm hoping that I can start writing again more frequently...we'll see :-)
Debt...it is the neverending battle with us. For Christmas I bought Matt the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. There seem to be a lot of good ideas in the book. See the problem is not that I don't know money, I do, I'm an accountant. The problem is that it seems like we never. have. enough. I think most people must feel this way right now. The economy doesn't seem to be doing that well, yet people continue to buy on credit all things they do not need. And it seems that as soon as you think you are pulling ahead, something comes up to drag you down. For us, our biggest issue are those pesky student loans. Not just the federal loans either...no...we had to take out personal loans in order to fund our wonderful private college education. I'm not sure if I had it to do over what I would do. I am happy with the education that I received, and believe that I would probably be a lot worse off had I not gotten that education, at the same time I think...if I had only gone to the state university...oh how my life would be different :-) Oh well, we have to get past it, which we are now trying to do.
I think that budgeting, simplifying, eating locally, our Christian values, it is all intertwined. When we are doing what God wants of us, we tend to have less stress and fewer problems. It is the trusting that God will lead us in the right direction that has been very trying. We are getting there though. We recently started attending a new church, and it looks like a place where we could definitely get involved and grow our faith. That is something I am very excited about. I wanted to find a church that would have people our age, young married couples, especially now that we have our little one on the way.
Another step Matt and I have taken is to register for a share in a CSA this summer. I think that having a baby in the beginning of May, and then being able to eat the wonderful bounty of a garden throughout the 21 weeks will be amazing. I'm hoping it allows us the opportunity to preserve food for the winter when the little one will be starting solids. It is an organic farm, and that is what I would like our baby girl to get used to right off. Fresh, organic food. I plan to make my own baby food. It seems like an easy enough task. I'm not fond of all the processing that goes into baby food these days.
Because of the combination of having the baby and getting the CSA, we have decided to put off the "real" garden this year. I am going to do my container gardening again though. I had a huge amount of success with it last year. Plus, I would never get enough tomatoes in a CSA :-) I'm hoping that this fall we will be able to prepare a place in our yard for the garden so that it is ready for planting next spring. In the meantime, I will most likely do tomatoes, cukes, sweet peppers, jalapeno peppers, and lettuce, plus cilantro and basil. Seems like a lot for container gardening, but with the deck and stairs leading to the 2nd floor of our house it really isn't a big deal. Plus, the fact that all I have to do is water the plants once or twice a day...yeah...that is the big selling point :-)
In other news, with all the rate cuts recently, we are going to try and refinance our house. Hopefully it will save us some money. We are also trying to get the upstairs of the house finished before the baby comes. But, that doesn't look like it will actually happen, so in the meantime, the baby will be in a makeshift baby room in the dining room. Does that make me a bad mother? Nah, I think she will be happy as a clam in the dining room :-)
OK, that is the brief update on the last few months of my life. I'm not sure I actually have any readers anymore, but that's ok. There is a lot to look forward to in the coming months. I'm hoping that I can start writing again more frequently...we'll see :-)
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
apple picking and other thoughts
I didn't realize how quickly September was going to fly by! This weekend is the last weekend in September, which means I need to go apple picking, something I wasn't actually planning on for this weekend. I am very much a planner, and now feel all discombobulated because I have to can instead of do other stuff...well...my goal is to can some applesauce and apple jelly. Actually, if you have read this blog recently, you may realize that I have intended to can a lot of things, and yet not one thing is canned in my house...except pints upon pints of strawberry jam :-)
The weather in Maine at the moment is absolutely beautiful. It has been in the 80's the past couple days, and it is supposed to hit 90 tomorrow...90! My pepper plants are all budding again, and I have a ton of green peppers that just came out of nowhere. Unfortunately I don't think my jalapenos are going to have enough time to mature before the frost comes...bummer. I'm definitely thinking that I will save some of the green pepper seeds though for next year. It will be my first attempt at seed saving...so I have no clue what I am supposed to do, but the fact that there isn't all the slimy stuff like in tomatoes, I think I will have a better time with it all :-)
The house is shaping up quite well. Matt has been painting the trim in the living room, and it looks great! One more window in there and then the door trim. I will be happy when all the painting is done...whenever that happens. Hopefully sooner rather then later. I also want to start cleaning up the upstairs. I need a room to put all of my craft stuff, and every single room upstairs is filled with construction stuff, empty cardboard boxes, boxes and boxes of books and other things we haven't unpacked. I am hopeful that I will have a craft room soon though, otherwise people will not be receiving Christmas presents this year :-P
Sorry for the randomness and timing of posts as of late...my mind has been quite jumbled for the past month or so. Hopefully soon I will be back on track!
The weather in Maine at the moment is absolutely beautiful. It has been in the 80's the past couple days, and it is supposed to hit 90 tomorrow...90! My pepper plants are all budding again, and I have a ton of green peppers that just came out of nowhere. Unfortunately I don't think my jalapenos are going to have enough time to mature before the frost comes...bummer. I'm definitely thinking that I will save some of the green pepper seeds though for next year. It will be my first attempt at seed saving...so I have no clue what I am supposed to do, but the fact that there isn't all the slimy stuff like in tomatoes, I think I will have a better time with it all :-)
The house is shaping up quite well. Matt has been painting the trim in the living room, and it looks great! One more window in there and then the door trim. I will be happy when all the painting is done...whenever that happens. Hopefully sooner rather then later. I also want to start cleaning up the upstairs. I need a room to put all of my craft stuff, and every single room upstairs is filled with construction stuff, empty cardboard boxes, boxes and boxes of books and other things we haven't unpacked. I am hopeful that I will have a craft room soon though, otherwise people will not be receiving Christmas presents this year :-P
Sorry for the randomness and timing of posts as of late...my mind has been quite jumbled for the past month or so. Hopefully soon I will be back on track!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
one big complaining post - sorry
So...I'm bored. What's new, right? Why is it that I get bored so easily? Even when I am busy I am bored. I think that it must have something to do with being part of this instant gratification society that I live in. I get bored with work, I get bored with home, I get bored with routine...ahhh...routine...how I love it so...yet at the same time...bored.
What can I do to change that? I have no clue whatsoever. Usually when I get bored, I tend to have a large life change heading my way...first job out of college...soooooo boring...did it for 2 years then I got married and moved to Boston. Lived in Boston...liked it at first...then didn't like all the traffic...all the people...and the constant barrage of "stuff." Our apartment flooded, I quit my job in Boston and we moved back to Maine.
Now, this whole thing about being bored, doesn't mean that I am not happy. I am, probably, the happiest I have ever been in my life. But, I don't feel like things are going the way I want them to go. This summer I had a great garden, but was unable to put away ANY of it. Perhaps I need to stop eating so much? I had these great intentions...didn't get anywhere though. I want to be at home cooking and cleaning. I want to learn to knit something other then a rectangular *scarf, towel, washcloth, whatever else is square or rectangular* I bought a sewing machine, and have sewed ONE thing, a lovely bag to put my knitting stuff in. OK, so the bag isn't THAT lovely, but I am happy with it :-) I want to learn to sew clothes...well...I used to know how...but now...not so much.
I think part of my problem is the house not being done - will it ever be done? My sister-in-law is great, "look at how much you HAVE finished!" Yes...but really...is that good enough? Of course not. I always feel like my life is on hold while I am finishing up some other project. How can I get out of that? How can I relax enough to just live without worrying about every other little thing that isn't done? Well, the short answer is I can't. I don't think it is possible for me to relax. I seriously need to go on some type of medication because my anxiety is up to HERE. You can pretend that you just saw my hand fly straight above my head :-)
What is the next step then? Do I just continue as is, days just passing me by? Any suggestions on staying motivated? On not letting myself get bored? It isn't that I have a lack of stuff to do...maybe the problem is that I have SO much stuff to do, that instead of doing it, I just watch it pile and make excuses as to why it can't be done....yeah...it is probably the latter :-)
OK, so this post was a big jumbled mess...sorry...just had to get some thoughts out :-) I'm hoping that once I get out of this funk I can post something a little more meaningful!
What can I do to change that? I have no clue whatsoever. Usually when I get bored, I tend to have a large life change heading my way...first job out of college...soooooo boring...did it for 2 years then I got married and moved to Boston. Lived in Boston...liked it at first...then didn't like all the traffic...all the people...and the constant barrage of "stuff." Our apartment flooded, I quit my job in Boston and we moved back to Maine.
Now, this whole thing about being bored, doesn't mean that I am not happy. I am, probably, the happiest I have ever been in my life. But, I don't feel like things are going the way I want them to go. This summer I had a great garden, but was unable to put away ANY of it. Perhaps I need to stop eating so much? I had these great intentions...didn't get anywhere though. I want to be at home cooking and cleaning. I want to learn to knit something other then a rectangular *scarf, towel, washcloth, whatever else is square or rectangular* I bought a sewing machine, and have sewed ONE thing, a lovely bag to put my knitting stuff in. OK, so the bag isn't THAT lovely, but I am happy with it :-) I want to learn to sew clothes...well...I used to know how...but now...not so much.
I think part of my problem is the house not being done - will it ever be done? My sister-in-law is great, "look at how much you HAVE finished!" Yes...but really...is that good enough? Of course not. I always feel like my life is on hold while I am finishing up some other project. How can I get out of that? How can I relax enough to just live without worrying about every other little thing that isn't done? Well, the short answer is I can't. I don't think it is possible for me to relax. I seriously need to go on some type of medication because my anxiety is up to HERE. You can pretend that you just saw my hand fly straight above my head :-)
What is the next step then? Do I just continue as is, days just passing me by? Any suggestions on staying motivated? On not letting myself get bored? It isn't that I have a lack of stuff to do...maybe the problem is that I have SO much stuff to do, that instead of doing it, I just watch it pile and make excuses as to why it can't be done....yeah...it is probably the latter :-)
OK, so this post was a big jumbled mess...sorry...just had to get some thoughts out :-) I'm hoping that once I get out of this funk I can post something a little more meaningful!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
what we've been up to this summer...
Making homemade pizza for the very first time...yum!
Visiting my favorite brother (only) and his beautiful new wife.
Fighting off these very scary looking tomato hornworms...we thought we only had one...we were wrong.
Having family BBQ's. This is actually over Labor Day and the first *official* entertaining I have done at our new house :-D
Visiting my favorite brother (only) and his beautiful new wife.
Fighting off these very scary looking tomato hornworms...we thought we only had one...we were wrong.
Having family BBQ's. This is actually over Labor Day and the first *official* entertaining I have done at our new house :-D
Picking many many tomatoes...this isn't even half of it. Surprisingly enough, I haven't canned a blessed thing, instead I just use them up during the week. I suppose I could have canned some...but oh well. Instead, I have had my fill of homemade tomato sauce with organic local sausage, fresh tomatoes on homemade pizza, lot's of pico de gallo and guacamole, raw tomatoes (my favorite) and a bunch of other things I can't think of right now!
And last but not least (for my lovely sister-in-law) pictures of our *mostly* finished dining room. Matt did a great job with all the painting and laying the flooring down...usually I help...but not with this room :-) And just an FYI that blue trim leading into the kitchen...yeah...that was everywhere...and we are still trying to get rid of it! Slowly but surely that icky blue will be gone from my life :-)
Saturday, September 8, 2007
I haven't been...
intentionally ignoring my blog. But, that seems to be what is happening right now. I think I am have hit a block in what to write, or maybe I am just thinking too much of my own life and can't form coherent sentences for others to read.
Do you ever wonder if your life is really going in the direction God desires it to be? I'm not saying when things are going wrong, but when things are going right? I feel like I am in that place right now. Can't seem to make decisions about what I should do next, but there is nothing in my life that is making me upset, just the opposite really, I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. I guess it is just nerves. I am now in the latter half of my 20's and need to be a grown up. I need to figure out what is right for my family. It's kind of stressful.
In other news, we have been working a lot on the house, part of the reason I haven't been posting. Our dining room walls are painted a lovely red now, and the floor is almost all down. Just need to paint the built in book case (my favorite part of the house) and paint the trim. Then that room will be done...done. That will be nice. I think that maybe the fact that we are living in a constant construction project is part of what brings the stress into my life...it's coming together though...and then we can start on the upstairs. Yay!
Do you ever wonder if your life is really going in the direction God desires it to be? I'm not saying when things are going wrong, but when things are going right? I feel like I am in that place right now. Can't seem to make decisions about what I should do next, but there is nothing in my life that is making me upset, just the opposite really, I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. I guess it is just nerves. I am now in the latter half of my 20's and need to be a grown up. I need to figure out what is right for my family. It's kind of stressful.
In other news, we have been working a lot on the house, part of the reason I haven't been posting. Our dining room walls are painted a lovely red now, and the floor is almost all down. Just need to paint the built in book case (my favorite part of the house) and paint the trim. Then that room will be done...done. That will be nice. I think that maybe the fact that we are living in a constant construction project is part of what brings the stress into my life...it's coming together though...and then we can start on the upstairs. Yay!
Friday, August 31, 2007
it has happened...
Something is eating my tomatoes...my tomatoes that are on a second floor balcony 15 feet off the ground. What is it?! And not only are they eating my tomatoes, they are leaving their mark IN my pots...their mark? Yes, poop. I can't figure out what the heck it is. It must be squirrels, it definitely isn't mouse poop. So for the past two days I have been spending quite a bit of time on google searching for every animal I can think of, and not just looking up the animal, but looking up what the poop for these animals looks like. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find anything that looks like what I have seen. I thought about taking a picture and posting it here, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it...maybe that's why I can't find a picture of it online. Although, there are an awful lot of pictures of poop out there.
The good thing? They are only attacking 2 of my plants right now, the two furthest down on the steps. So, I am just leaving those plants there, and probably tonight and tomorrow I will pick all the other tomatoes I have, and ripen them inside. I hate to do that, but I don't want to lose the rest of my tomatoes! The bad thing? These were my two best tomato plants, producing perfect looking tomatoes and ripening to perfection. I knew it was only a matter of time...
Oh, and with this lovely bought of warm weather we have had recently, all of my pepper plants have decided to bud again and I have little peppers all over the place...would be nice if they could get to a normal size and then we can eat them. And I thought they were dead :-)
UPDATE:
So I asked my all knowing garden friend at work what might be causing this poop infestation around my tomato plants, and she promptly tells me that it is tomato horn worms. I look them up on google, and yup, that's definitely what the poop looked like. I proceed to call my mother to have her go look and see if she can see them, and she calls back "YES! THAT IS DEFINITELY IT!" Apparently these little guys, are not so little. My mom said she saw one that was at least 3 inches long and 1/2 inch in diameter. Pretty much I am so skived out right now, but at least it isn't some weird rodent crawling up my stairs!
The good thing? They are only attacking 2 of my plants right now, the two furthest down on the steps. So, I am just leaving those plants there, and probably tonight and tomorrow I will pick all the other tomatoes I have, and ripen them inside. I hate to do that, but I don't want to lose the rest of my tomatoes! The bad thing? These were my two best tomato plants, producing perfect looking tomatoes and ripening to perfection. I knew it was only a matter of time...
Oh, and with this lovely bought of warm weather we have had recently, all of my pepper plants have decided to bud again and I have little peppers all over the place...would be nice if they could get to a normal size and then we can eat them. And I thought they were dead :-)
UPDATE:
So I asked my all knowing garden friend at work what might be causing this poop infestation around my tomato plants, and she promptly tells me that it is tomato horn worms. I look them up on google, and yup, that's definitely what the poop looked like. I proceed to call my mother to have her go look and see if she can see them, and she calls back "YES! THAT IS DEFINITELY IT!" Apparently these little guys, are not so little. My mom said she saw one that was at least 3 inches long and 1/2 inch in diameter. Pretty much I am so skived out right now, but at least it isn't some weird rodent crawling up my stairs!
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