I haven't been writing as much as I would like. I wish I could be one of those people who updates everyday, sometimes twice a day. I guess I could be that person, but I am constantly concerned about what people are going to do once they read what I do have to say. It's probably no secret that I am a conservative Christian, and I would like to reach out to people from this blog, but I feel like if I am completely honest and true to what I want to write, I would just start getting hate mail...and really, I just have no desire for hate mail :-)
That being said, I am having a difficult time forming my thoughts into coherent sentences that one can actually read. Sometimes I think that I must be going through some type of crisis mentally because I have so many thoughts racing through my brain. Is this normal? Do other people deal with this as well?
I guess we are just experiencing a lot of life changes in my household currently, nothing bad, but just trying to figure out where to go next. There are a lot of things that Matt and I want to accomplish...many many things really. I think that is good, we are only in our 20's. But, then my practical planner side kicks in and I end up over analyzing everything and end up doing nothing. I don't want to look back on this time and be upset or regret a choice that we made. So I just keep talking about the choices, and trying to figure out what the next step really should be.
Exciting times are ahead I feel...I am looking forward to new adventures and hopefully at some point a larger family to continue my journey with. We shall see what the Lord brings.
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Monday, July 16, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
old soul
A friend of mine at work yesterday called me an old soul. I was surprised by that comment because to me I feel like my life is utter chaos and I am always going a mile a minute. Apparently I am a good actress :-) It got me to thinking though, what exactly is an "old soul?"
For me, I guess an old soul is someone who is always looking for those answers. What purpose does God have for my life? Why isn't it easier to figure out? And why is it that nothing seems to work out the way I plan? Well, that last one is easy. I think that if I consulted God more, before just deciding what was going to happen, I would be much better off. But, really, where is the fun in that?!
Before we started renovating the house, Matt (affectionately described as "the husband" previously) and I started going through "the Purpose Driven Life." We didn't make it that far into it, unfortunately the house was calling...even though there was that little contract at the beginning...nevertheless, we did not complete it. However, I feel like it was definitely working in our favor to go through that book. I plan to pick it up again soon and finish it.
So what is my purpose in life? I have been asking myself this since I was 15. I was in a horrible car accident when I was 15, and really should have been dead. But, I didn't die. In fact, I made it out of the hospital faster then the Dr.'s ever said I would. Why? Well obviously God has a specific purpose for me. And so for the past 11 years I have been waiting to find out what that purpose is. And , just as I was 11 years ago, I still have no clue.
I guess my purpose could be that I am to be a good steward to God's creation. I like that purpose, but is it the only one? Most likely not. So here I am again, sitting with many many questions, one of which is why my friend would see me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. I ask her, and she tells me that I know what I am doing, I am not searching, I already have a belief system.
That made me think. I guess to the non-Christian it may look like I know what is going on. Even though, there is always going to be searching, I already know that there is a God, and Jesus died for me. It really is amazing the perspective that some people can bring into your life. I really appreciate this friend, more than she realizes. She makes me think harder about the questions that I had answers to long ago. She makes me want to learn more so I can share it with her.
I still don't know my purpose, and have no idea if I ever will know what my purpose really is. Do we, as Christians, go through life not really knowing our purpose? And when we do get to heaven, will our purpose be revealed to us then? Sometimes I wonder if the way I lead my life is my purpose, and if that is the case, I need to reconsider many of the ways I lead it. And now I have even more questions then when I started. Funny how God works sometimes...
For me, I guess an old soul is someone who is always looking for those answers. What purpose does God have for my life? Why isn't it easier to figure out? And why is it that nothing seems to work out the way I plan? Well, that last one is easy. I think that if I consulted God more, before just deciding what was going to happen, I would be much better off. But, really, where is the fun in that?!
Before we started renovating the house, Matt (affectionately described as "the husband" previously) and I started going through "the Purpose Driven Life." We didn't make it that far into it, unfortunately the house was calling...even though there was that little contract at the beginning...nevertheless, we did not complete it. However, I feel like it was definitely working in our favor to go through that book. I plan to pick it up again soon and finish it.
So what is my purpose in life? I have been asking myself this since I was 15. I was in a horrible car accident when I was 15, and really should have been dead. But, I didn't die. In fact, I made it out of the hospital faster then the Dr.'s ever said I would. Why? Well obviously God has a specific purpose for me. And so for the past 11 years I have been waiting to find out what that purpose is. And , just as I was 11 years ago, I still have no clue.
I guess my purpose could be that I am to be a good steward to God's creation. I like that purpose, but is it the only one? Most likely not. So here I am again, sitting with many many questions, one of which is why my friend would see me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. I ask her, and she tells me that I know what I am doing, I am not searching, I already have a belief system.
That made me think. I guess to the non-Christian it may look like I know what is going on. Even though, there is always going to be searching, I already know that there is a God, and Jesus died for me. It really is amazing the perspective that some people can bring into your life. I really appreciate this friend, more than she realizes. She makes me think harder about the questions that I had answers to long ago. She makes me want to learn more so I can share it with her.
I still don't know my purpose, and have no idea if I ever will know what my purpose really is. Do we, as Christians, go through life not really knowing our purpose? And when we do get to heaven, will our purpose be revealed to us then? Sometimes I wonder if the way I lead my life is my purpose, and if that is the case, I need to reconsider many of the ways I lead it. And now I have even more questions then when I started. Funny how God works sometimes...
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