old soul

A friend of mine at work yesterday called me an old soul. I was surprised by that comment because to me I feel like my life is utter chaos and I am always going a mile a minute. Apparently I am a good actress :-) It got me to thinking though, what exactly is an "old soul?"

For me, I guess an old soul is someone who is always looking for those answers. What purpose does God have for my life? Why isn't it easier to figure out? And why is it that nothing seems to work out the way I plan? Well, that last one is easy. I think that if I consulted God more, before just deciding what was going to happen, I would be much better off. But, really, where is the fun in that?!

Before we started renovating the house, Matt (affectionately described as "the husband" previously) and I started going through "the Purpose Driven Life." We didn't make it that far into it, unfortunately the house was calling...even though there was that little contract at the beginning...nevertheless, we did not complete it. However, I feel like it was definitely working in our favor to go through that book. I plan to pick it up again soon and finish it.

So what is my purpose in life? I have been asking myself this since I was 15. I was in a horrible car accident when I was 15, and really should have been dead. But, I didn't die. In fact, I made it out of the hospital faster then the Dr.'s ever said I would. Why? Well obviously God has a specific purpose for me. And so for the past 11 years I have been waiting to find out what that purpose is. And , just as I was 11 years ago, I still have no clue.

I guess my purpose could be that I am to be a good steward to God's creation. I like that purpose, but is it the only one? Most likely not. So here I am again, sitting with many many questions, one of which is why my friend would see me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. I ask her, and she tells me that I know what I am doing, I am not searching, I already have a belief system.

That made me think. I guess to the non-Christian it may look like I know what is going on. Even though, there is always going to be searching, I already know that there is a God, and Jesus died for me. It really is amazing the perspective that some people can bring into your life. I really appreciate this friend, more than she realizes. She makes me think harder about the questions that I had answers to long ago. She makes me want to learn more so I can share it with her.

I still don't know my purpose, and have no idea if I ever will know what my purpose really is. Do we, as Christians, go through life not really knowing our purpose? And when we do get to heaven, will our purpose be revealed to us then? Sometimes I wonder if the way I lead my life is my purpose, and if that is the case, I need to reconsider many of the ways I lead it. And now I have even more questions then when I started. Funny how God works sometimes...